Survive Caregiver Stress and Burnout

The need to raise survival rates among caregivers aged sixty-five and over who care for loved ones with dementia and Alzheimer's is urgent. Why? A significant number die before they're finished caregiving.Symptoms of Caregiver Stress or Burnout
Shortened patience, lengthened anger.
Inability to sleep.
Caregiver Dementia
Drinking and/or smoking more or self-medicating.
Denying there's anything wrong with loved one.
Denying the need for help.
Hopelessness, ongoing depression.
Eating poorly.
The average length of time a caregiver cares for a loved one with Alzheimer's is six and one-half years. That's 2,373 days. It's hard to hold onto hope that things will get better when you're facing an uncertain time frame.Remember, those stress surveys from the late seventies and early eighties? I recall a condensed list of 25 stressful life events. We were instructed to place a check mark by each event that occurred to us within the past year. Among the 25 events were the following.
Death of a Loved One
Marital separation or Divorce
Financial difficulties
Job Loss
Geographical relocation
Family conflict
Illness in the family
Back then when life was more stable (even during those double-digit inflationary years), the assessment tool instructed us that checking more than two items meant we were suffering from high levels of stress and should seek help. Can you imagine? Today, we could easily check five or ten! The difference surely paints a picture of living with greater stress, today.Examples of Caregiver StressBelow are a few examples of caregiver stress and burnout.LACK of SLEEPWhile my father lived in our California home, we lay awake nights because he would get disoriented between night and day and wander. He'd jiggle the door knob of our bedroom door, which we were advised to lock most nights in order to catch up on lost sleep.Burdened by worries, I lay awake most nights. There was so much to do that I feared I wouldn't remember it all. (I had a calendar and I wrote lots of To Dos, but when that spark of an idea strikes in the middle of the night, I didn't want to forget!)LOST PATIENCE LEADI
NG to ANGERMy father would go through stubborn phases. With my husband David helping me, we had an outlet in each other. We were able to temper our anger but when we grew so exhausted and couldn't, we did things that turned out to be funny.One afternoon, after my father threw a tantrum and demanded that David show him his room, I followed them down the hall when the urge hit to strangle my father. I called out "David" so my deaf father could not hear. When my husband turned to look he began to laugh seeing my fingers loosely around my father's neck. Confused by David's laughter, my father stopped to look and then turned back to see me. Feigning innocence, my guilt-ridden smile confused my father who looked back at David laughing. Then he began to smile. Surprised by his sudden shift of emotions, I too began to laugh until we were all laughing!I do not recommend hurting your loved one. I placed my hands loosely around my father's neck to see what David's reaction might be. T
he laughter that followed diverted a stressful moment, giving us a constructive outlet to redirect mounting frustrations. But, what if I were the only caregiver and didn't have a support partner like David? It is easy to see how one caregiver can grow exhausted and lose patience and even grow angry.EATING POORLYLike us, most caregivers don't take care of themselves as they should.David and I made sure to sit with my father and eat well-prepared balanced meals since we were concerned about his nutrition. Isn't this sad? We care more for others than ourselves.After we placed my father, we went back to our old ways of one meal a day. This was not an ideal arrangement to maintain our strength as caregivers. Despite not having 24-hour responsibility for my father's care, we still felt tethered to him.CAREGIVER DEMENTIAJust as people with Alzheimer's suffer memory loss, get disoriented, and even hallucinate, so did we! The label, caregiver dementia, is used to describe Alzheimer's
-like symptoms experienced by caregivers.David began hallucinating. David wrote letters to me while I was on travel. They were frightening as he detailed the night he felt pinned down under the bed covers and people taking his things (a common complaint of those with dementia). I was not immune either. I backed into the garage door three times, destroying two power antennas, and needing one back-end repair and one new garage door. Although, it is normal for caregivers to experience stress and burnout, you don't have to suffer. We grew more and more exhausted each day and realized something must be done for my father's and our safety. David and I started showing signs of Alzheimer's trying to keep up with my father's care!Fortunately, we explored our options. After considering in-home care (I worked out of our small home and needed quiet concentration time), board and care (not secured and my wandering father might get out and not return), assisted living (at least 50 miles a
way at the time), and nursing care, we settled on the last--a secure facility that would look after my father 24/7.Consider this: What use will you be as a caregiver for your loved one if your stress and burnout is so severe, you won't be here for long?

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